Buffalo Wings and Barking Catfish
by Luddles
Summary: A Kingdom Hearts Christmas story. The Organization decides to work as elves to get off of Santa's naughty list, leading to a story containing OCs, elves named Twinkle, duct tape, genetically mutated spiders, tights, fireplaces, and similes involving tacos


**This is my Kingdom Hearts Christmas story. And it is completely random. It was partially inspired by my friends Carter, Carrie, and Catherine, who came up with various parts of this story.**

**Buffalo Wings and Barking Catfish**

There was a high likelihood that someone was going to be attacked with lightsabers, shot, stabbed, poisoned, smashed, hit by a dictionary, bitten, burned, drowned, beaten in poker, strangled by flowers, electrocuted, or knocked out with a giant key. Or all of the above. Said person would receive said consequences because _someone_ decided that Santa should replace his elves with the members of Organization XIII. Someone (possibly the same someone) had also decided that the reindeer should be replaced with buffalos. Really, who ever heard of flying reindeer? Buffalos can fly. Why else would there be _buffalo wings_?

But that was another issue.

Demyx liked this idea at first, mostly because working for Santa meant he could get presents. He just _had _to convince this guy that just because he worked for a possibly evil (but mostly just vague and confusing) organization, he was not necessarily evil himself. Nor was he vague and confusing, he was simply cute. And liked goldfish. However, once Demyx figured out that he had to actually work, he did not appreciate the idea any longer.

No one was exactly sure why Xemnas went along with this whole thing. There were rumors going around the organization that he would be replacing Mrs. Claus and the elves would be switched for fire-breathing unicorn kittens if he didn't. But it was more likely that he just lost a bet. Saïx said that it was because Xemnas wanted to get the organization off of the naughty list, because technically, although they were vague and confusing, they were still villains.

No one believed him. They were not scary enough to be villains (well, Lexaeus was, but he didn't have much part in the argument because he never spoke, anyways). They thought about hanging Roxas on the ceiling as a surveillance device to find out the real reason. Unfortunately, Xigbar used all of the duct tape in a failed attempt to shut Demyx up (failed because even though Xigbar and Xaldin cocooned him in duct tape and hung him from the ceiling, he just looked so _pitiful_ that Lexaeus let him down) and Vexen lost his genetically engineered spider that would give one the power to stick to walls just like Spiderman.

He wasn't sure exactly where that spider went.

So the organization was sitting in Santa's workshop, surrounded by snow and sparkles and tinsel and lights and cheery Christmas music, wearing their black cloaks, holding weapons, and altogether clashing with the scenery. The elf training them approached, making little clucking noises under her breath. She was dressed entirely in red and had a mound of curly blonde hair pouring out from underneath a hat with a giant jingle bell on the end. A star-shaped name tag reading "Twinkle" was on the front of her shirt.

"Tsk, tsk… this won't do…" she said, surveying their clothing choices.

A moment later, the entire organization was dressed in red and green with plenty of jingle bells, sparkles, and ribbons. None of them, not even Demyx, seemed pleased with this. Demyx wasn't happy because Twinkle made fun of his Finding Nemo boxers. Seriously, the girl's name was _Twinkle_, for goodness sake! She had no right to make fun of anyone else. Especially not someone else's clothes, because she had a jingle bell on the end of her hat that was almost as big as her head.

Xigbar looked like he was going to shoot someone.

Roxas was hiding behind Axel, because he was the one who usually got shot at whenever Xigbar was angry and Demyx wasn't around. Demyx, in fact, was still hiding in shame because of his boxers. Larxene was also nowhere to be found, demanding that she had to change in a different room or she would disembowel them all.

Axel, at first, was excited this because he was going to get to go around to a bunch of different houses and hopefully a percentage of them would belong to cute girls. But now he did not want to be seen by cute girls because he was wearing tights. TIGHTS! He would have burned them if not for the fact that he had bright red leg hair was more embarrassing than wearing tights. At least he wasn't Saïx, who had blue hair. Axel laughed to himself. That guy would never get a date.

"All right!" Twinkle said, getting everyone's attention at once. "You all need to get on the sleigh! Santa has a cold this year, and so it's up to you to get presents to everyone in the world. Hop to it!" She hopped to simulate the behavior.

"I'm _not_ hopping," Zexion growled, getting in the sleigh like a normal person would. No one really knew anything about driving a sleigh pulled by a team of flying buffalo. Lexaeus was nominated to drive because he was nearly as large as a buffalo. Xemnas nominated himself to sit in the front seat, and ordered Saïx, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Vexen to sit with him. This meant that Zexion, Roxas, Demyx, Marluxia, Larxene, and Axel were crammed together in the smaller back seat. Demyx didn't seem to mind this, because he had no personal space bubble.

Marluxia, however, was complaining that his hair was going to be messed up. "Who cares, Marly? It's Christmas!" Demyx squealed.

"You wouldn't understand," Marluxia wailed. "You don't have good hair at all, just that stupid haircut that might be a mullet or a mohawk or both!"

Demyx gasped. "How could you _say_ that!" he shouted with mock horror.

"Shut up, kiddo," Xigbar growled, shoving his palm over Demyx's face and pushing him further back. Lexaeus cracked the whip and the sudden surge forward broke off all arguments.

As they flew over the town, Demyx and Roxas leaned over the side of the sleigh, looking at the sparkling lights below them in awe. Axel was cold despite that amount of people sitting around him and he was complaining about the cold and how tights were not warm at all. Larxene responded by shocking him. "Warmer?" she asked, her voice filled with mock sweetness. Marluxia sniggered and was therefore electrocuted also.

Lexaeus landed on the rooftop of a house and the Organization piled out of the sleigh. A somewhat frazzled-looking Roxas squeezed himself out from between Demyx and Marluxia, who had argued about hair products for the entire trip. Axel examined the chimney, looking a little doubtful. "So, who wants to go down that thing?"

Marluxia glanced at Larxene. "Ladies first."

"All right, go ahead then," she shot back, and Marluxia whipped out his scythe.

"You little…" he began, and Xemnas grabbed the end of the scythe.

"No. Demyx is going down there," he said. Demyx jolted with surprise.

"M-me?"

"You're the nicest one of us, kiddo," Xigbar said, clapping the boy on the shoulder. Demyx stumbled forward, and then regained his balance. He shrugged lanky shoulders and approached the chimney, swinging his tight-clad legs over the side of it. Saïx skimmed over a long list and found the house, then tossed Demyx a small box wrapped in white paper with a red bow. The blonde caught it and then slipped down the sooty chimney. Demyx landed in a pile of ash at the bottom and also banged the back of his head on the wall inside of the fireplace. His rear end also landed nicely on the grate, bruising his tailbone.

"Ouch," he muttered, and then coughed, sending a cloud of soot into the air. He stood and hit his head on the ledge overhanging the fireplace in the process. "I think I've got a concussion," he said after he finally stood, covered in soot and aching from head to toe. He was beginning to seriously hope he didn't have to do this more than once.

When Demyx finally managed to get his bearings, he found himself standing in the center of a room filled with cheery Christmas decorations. He glanced down at the present in his hand and was glad to find that it had miraculously remained clean. Then he looked back up and jumped in surprised. There was a fish tank across from him and the _fish _was _growling_. It was about three feet long, was a catfish, and it was _growling_ at him.

Demyx was, needless to say, scared. He was easily scared, but now he was also a little confused. Demyx usually liked fish. In fact, some of his best friends were fish! "Uh… uh… shh!" he said, hoping that the growling wouldn't wake anyone. Well, if his falling down the chimney didn't wake anyone, the fish certainly wouldn't. "Nice fishy…"

There was a clicking sound much like the loading of a shotgun and Demyx turned around to realize that the noise _was_ a loading shotgun. A gun which happened to belong to a teenage girl with curly, coral-colored hair and sea-green eyes. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" she asked.

Demyx made a noise which sounded like a cat being run over by a fat guy eating a taco. "I'm…uh… I'm Demyx!" he squealed, wondering why in all Kingdom Hearts he sounded like Marluxia singing in falsetto. "I mean… I'm an elf!"

"I thought elves were supposed to be short," the girl said, lowering the shotgun a little. Demyx appreciated this action.

"Well, I'm actually substituting for an elf because… well, because my Superior told me to," he said. The girl looked him over and realized that he was covered in soot.

"I knew we should have gotten our chimney cleaned," she muttered. "Wait right here!" She went back into the kitchen and came out holding a wet rag instead of a gun. "Sorry about that," she said as she wiped off his face. The fish was growling more loudly now.

Demyx felt his face light up like a Christmas tree, and he ran his fingers though his spiky blonde hair. "This is for you," he said, placing the little box in her hands, "from Santa."

She opened the lid of the box, revealing a gold, seashell-shaped necklace and she smiled. "I've wanted something like this for a long time," she said, and then fastened the clasp around the back of her neck. "How does it look?" she asked.

Demyx smiled, deciding that this wasn't so bad after all. "It looks really pretty," he said.

"I'm Corel, by the way," she introduced herself.

"I'm Demyx."

"So you said," she chuckled. "Will you be here next year, Demyx?"

He laughed nervously. "I can if you want me to."

"Use the door next time," Corel said, and then stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. Then she turned and ran up the stairs, vanishing from sight. Demyx stood there for a moment, stunned. The fish barked at him a few times.

"I'm going, I'm going!" he said, climbing back into the chimney and ignoring the fact that the fish was now _barking_ at him. Zexion was peering over the edge of the chimney.

"Oh, there you are. We were about to send Roxas down after you," he said. A rope fell down the chimney and Demyx clambered up. He reached the top and found that Marluxia was in a state of distress because one of the buffalos had tried to eat his hair.

"Are you alright, kiddo?" Xigbar asked.

"I may have been concussed, but I'm fine," Demyx said.

"As if!" Xigbar cackled. "You look like you were attacked by a fish!"

"I was," Demyx replied. "And then a cute girl attacked me too…"

"WHAT!" Axel shouted. "I said _I _get all the houses with cute girls! Got it memorized!"

"Sure, sure," Demyx groaned, getting in the seat beside Axel.

"What girl would want _you_, anyways? You look like you landed in a fireplace!" Axel continued.

Saïx rolled his eyes. "That's generally what happens when one goes down a chimney, Axel."


End file.
